Sir Bertie Toughington III

Edit: This was suppose to post on Monday but it didn't for some reason. So, here you go: ******

So who is Sir Bertie Toughington III? He's my puppy! Today, Bertie accompanied me to Hopkins. Why? Because frankly, I am scared beyond belief. I haven't written a lot about the actual surgery I am having right now, or said out loud how scared I really am, because all of this isn't pretty. There isn't a way to make it sound pretty.

It isn't as easy as removing a tumor, it is just a little more than that. Right now, they should be removing a portion of my skull. Pull a card out of your wallet and look at it. See how it is fits in your hand? Put that card up to the back of your skull. It is pretty big compared to the back of your head. They are removing a portion of my skull that is the size of that credit card from the back my head. That's why I am scared. If I don't do it, my quality of life will degrade. Leading up to the surgery, I just gave myself an ulcer being worried.

What if they miss? What if they clip my brain. We are dealing with the cerebellum here. I've read story after story where people aren't the same after this surgery. I've read story after story where their lives are better. What's going to happen to me still hasn't been determined. Hopefully, I am still doing well in surgery. I've tried my best to reamin positive and upbeat; in all honesty it is so I try to believe what I am saying. I know I have the best person in the Eastern corridor operating on me. As comforting as that is, it is still brain surgery. And I am so scared.

This is why I am glad to have Bertie. Joel can't be with me all the time (you know his little passing out issue; plus visiting hours) and I need something with me. Something to hold and squeeze when I need to be comforted. I think Scarlet and Mr Darcy are tired of my  "please let me hold you a little while longer" cuddle sessions.

By the time this post goes up, I should be in the last half of surgery. Please think good thoughts for me because, well, I need it. If everything goes as planned, and surgery started at 7:30,  I should be out before noon Eastern. I am hoping Joel will have great updates on his twitter feed. I really can't wait to tweet "hello" with my new upgraded machinery.

Now some happy photos: